5 AM in the morning;
A figure cuts a lonely shadow by the ember street lights;
He moves down a long straight road;
With open and wide strides;
That are full of purpose and a hint of pride;
His brow is etched with sweat;
Which soon gathers by the buckets;
And starts dripping off on to the road;
Leaving a mark, no matter how transient that is;
His breath comes hard and fast;
A subtle reminder of improvement works required;
But more importantly, that he is still alive;
The only sounds he hears are of his track shoes crunching the gravel;
That and the sound of his pounding heart which threatens to burst out of its seams;
The kilometers tick by, though not as fast as he imagines them to be;
And his legs burn with lactic acid;
Threatening and imploring his brain to cease all motion;
But all he thinks about is left right left right, this is still worth striving for;
Oh it seems so tough;
Running a 10K before dawn breaks;
But this is the easiest part of his day;
For when dawn breaks;
It's back to reality and at least 12 hours in a seat;
The perfect seat to put this training all to good use;
As he trains hard for a sole purpose;
That is for life and a future worth striving for.
Saturday, 7 November 2015
Sunday, 1 November 2015
On Gratitude
As the date that marks my 30th year of life draws closer, it becomes even more apparent that there's just so much over the last 30 years that I am grateful for. I thought it might be a good idea to etch these thoughts down in digital ink as a reference point down when the going gets hard in the future. This is going to be a long one sided ramble without much proof-reading or editing (if any at all), pretty much straight from the heart and shooting from my hip stuff, so be forewarned.
* Grateful to be born in Singapore in the 1980s, where there was sound infrastructure, a stable and appropriate political system, and a decent economy that, coupled with global technological advancement, allowed for development opportunities;
* Grateful to be born into my family, with my parents and siblings providing a nurturing environment and all manners of support that fostered my growth into an adult;
* Grateful to have no major congenital defects, to be born with a healthy body and a sound intellect that could be used as a base for development;
* Grateful to have real life mentors who have provided a philosophical stance on how to lead one's life;
* Grateful to have had a bunch of close friends that I've grown up with since secondary school days, who have been a positive influence in my life;
* Grateful to have experienced love, and to experience lost love, a few times;
* Grateful to have a job that's nothing short of consistently challenging and intellectually stimulating, which pushes me to the limits, develops my character on a day to day basis and at the same time pays good money which allows me to fast track my journey to be a capitalist;
* Grateful to have a bunch of super smart colleagues that I interact with on a day to day basis, who readily illustrate mental models and soft skills that I can potentially adopt;
* Grateful to have come across the main concepts of investing and FIRE when I was serving the nation, which gave me a clear path on what needs to be accomplished and done instead of dicking around for a few years after graduation and then realizing that there's much more to life than work and consume, which would subsequently, but naturally cause an extension of the FIRE age;
* Grateful to have had all sorts of experiences, ranging from discovering interesting ideas through reading books, making and being able to appreciate and enjoy music, being able to take part in different sports, learning how to ride a bike, traveling in style, backpacking around the globe, interacting with different characters and individuals, etc.;
* Grateful to have been a positive influence to at least a few people's lives (I hope);
* Grateful to be able to contemplate these thoughts;
* Grateful to be alive, and feel alive;
* Grateful to have the opportunity to improve myself as a human being again today; and
* Grateful to have lived a life of no regrets thus far;
Pretty sure there's much more specific details and thoughts on gratitude that I have, but the above represents the main causes that I feel extremely grateful for.
What are you grateful for in your life?
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
Sounds like multiple lifetimes of focused self development to me... :)
"There has been a lot of discussion about whether Buddhism is a religion or a philosophy, and the question has never been decided one way or the other. In these terms, it is a question that makes sense only to a Westerner.
Only in the West is philosophy just a branch of knowledge like mathematics or botany, and only in the West is the philosopher a person, usually a professor, who goes through particular doctrines during his courses but, once he goes home, lives exactly like his lawyer or his dentist without what he teaches having the slightest influence on the way he lives his life.
Only in the West is religion, for a large majority of believers, a small compartment that only gets opened on particular days, at particular times or in certain predetermined circumstances, and is firmly closed again before actually doing anything. Although there are professors of philosophy in the East, too, a philosopher there is a spiritual master who lives what he teaches, surrounded by disciples who want to follow his example.
His teaching is never based on sheer intellectual curiosity, for its value lies only in its realization. In this light, there seems little point in wondering whether Buddhism is a philosophy or a religion. It is a path, a way of salvation, that which led the Buddha to enlightenment; it is a method, a means of attaining liberation by working intensely on the mind and spirit.
So I think that the simplest possible way to define Buddhism is, first and foremost, to see it as a path. The goal of that path is to attain what can be called ‘perfection’, ultimate knowledge, enlightenment, merging with the absolute, or, technically speaking, the state of Buddhahood."
- Andre Migot, from his book titled "Le Bouddha"
Only in the West is philosophy just a branch of knowledge like mathematics or botany, and only in the West is the philosopher a person, usually a professor, who goes through particular doctrines during his courses but, once he goes home, lives exactly like his lawyer or his dentist without what he teaches having the slightest influence on the way he lives his life.
Only in the West is religion, for a large majority of believers, a small compartment that only gets opened on particular days, at particular times or in certain predetermined circumstances, and is firmly closed again before actually doing anything. Although there are professors of philosophy in the East, too, a philosopher there is a spiritual master who lives what he teaches, surrounded by disciples who want to follow his example.
His teaching is never based on sheer intellectual curiosity, for its value lies only in its realization. In this light, there seems little point in wondering whether Buddhism is a philosophy or a religion. It is a path, a way of salvation, that which led the Buddha to enlightenment; it is a method, a means of attaining liberation by working intensely on the mind and spirit.
So I think that the simplest possible way to define Buddhism is, first and foremost, to see it as a path. The goal of that path is to attain what can be called ‘perfection’, ultimate knowledge, enlightenment, merging with the absolute, or, technically speaking, the state of Buddhahood."
- Andre Migot, from his book titled "Le Bouddha"
Monday, 26 October 2015
A Buddhist saying
All the joy the world contains;
Has come through wishing happiness for others;
All the misery the world contains;
Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself;
Is there need for lengthy explanation?
Childish beings look out for themselves;
While Buddhas labor for the good of others;
See the difference which divides them?
Has come through wishing happiness for others;
All the misery the world contains;
Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself;
Is there need for lengthy explanation?
Childish beings look out for themselves;
While Buddhas labor for the good of others;
See the difference which divides them?
Monday, 21 September 2015
Improving Your Self
I've always been a big fan of self-improvement ever since I was put through the paces @ the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers workshop back in my sec school days. In fact, I do think I have more books on the self-improvement and development genre as compared to any genre.
Over the years, I've come to realise that I have drawn a strong sense of personal achievement and character development through the undertaking of sporting activities. Somehow, the result of say, completing a marathon, vis a vis the process of implementing some new logical thought system, seemed more tangible and real back then, and possibly even at present. Well, the only "self improvement" sporting activity that I have completed since I started out in banking was a 42.2km run last year, which was a death shuffle given the lack of training and a hurt back.
While my past self would have marveled at that result given a lack of training and perhaps given myself a big pat on the back together with a pint of beer, my current self feels more disappointed that I didn't gain much through the event, as I didn't put myself through the entire wringer of the process to maximize the potential gains.
One of my current fears now revolve around not maximizing my potential. To kind of summarize how I feel, I do think this can be distilled into the potential to be a better human being. To be a more improved version of myself when I go to bed each day, and to push myself a bit harder each day. It's like I do feel I'm cruising at a certain altitude now, and I need to up the ante. Which maybe a good thing to feel this way, because slowly the motivation that has been beaten out of me through adopting a solely survival mode tactic when starting out in banking is making a come back.
I've always been fascinated with the human body and its limits. The ability for an individual to control his thoughts and effect this control in normal hormonal responses, the ability of an individual to run a 100 miles straight out carrying a backpack, the ability of an individual to adapt and live off the land, the ability of an individual to maintain equanimity in dire circumstances.
These challenges excite and invigorate me. Not so much maximizing my bonus and getting a top rating at work. I suppose I still do enjoy a certain bit of what I do and I do [bluff myself to] think of work as a challenge, but I guess with this capitalism challenge and financial independence mostly on cruise control till it's automatically sorted out over the next 3 years, it's about time I throw in some other physical and mental challenges in life to gain new perspectives.
Thus the 30 day teetotaler (amongst other things done concurrently) challenge that I had recently completed successfully, and a new challenge to really run (not just survive) an ultra marathon over the next 2 - 3 years. It'll be tough given my hectic schedule, but it'll be a fun challenge to undertake. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And this time, it'll be largely focused on the process. Eating right, sleeping right, training, etc.
Wish me persistence and luck. And I do hope you find some inspiration to push the boundaries of your life too.
Over the years, I've come to realise that I have drawn a strong sense of personal achievement and character development through the undertaking of sporting activities. Somehow, the result of say, completing a marathon, vis a vis the process of implementing some new logical thought system, seemed more tangible and real back then, and possibly even at present. Well, the only "self improvement" sporting activity that I have completed since I started out in banking was a 42.2km run last year, which was a death shuffle given the lack of training and a hurt back.
While my past self would have marveled at that result given a lack of training and perhaps given myself a big pat on the back together with a pint of beer, my current self feels more disappointed that I didn't gain much through the event, as I didn't put myself through the entire wringer of the process to maximize the potential gains.
One of my current fears now revolve around not maximizing my potential. To kind of summarize how I feel, I do think this can be distilled into the potential to be a better human being. To be a more improved version of myself when I go to bed each day, and to push myself a bit harder each day. It's like I do feel I'm cruising at a certain altitude now, and I need to up the ante. Which maybe a good thing to feel this way, because slowly the motivation that has been beaten out of me through adopting a solely survival mode tactic when starting out in banking is making a come back.
I've always been fascinated with the human body and its limits. The ability for an individual to control his thoughts and effect this control in normal hormonal responses, the ability of an individual to run a 100 miles straight out carrying a backpack, the ability of an individual to adapt and live off the land, the ability of an individual to maintain equanimity in dire circumstances.
These challenges excite and invigorate me. Not so much maximizing my bonus and getting a top rating at work. I suppose I still do enjoy a certain bit of what I do and I do [bluff myself to] think of work as a challenge, but I guess with this capitalism challenge and financial independence mostly on cruise control till it's automatically sorted out over the next 3 years, it's about time I throw in some other physical and mental challenges in life to gain new perspectives.
Thus the 30 day teetotaler (amongst other things done concurrently) challenge that I had recently completed successfully, and a new challenge to really run (not just survive) an ultra marathon over the next 2 - 3 years. It'll be tough given my hectic schedule, but it'll be a fun challenge to undertake. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And this time, it'll be largely focused on the process. Eating right, sleeping right, training, etc.
Wish me persistence and luck. And I do hope you find some inspiration to push the boundaries of your life too.
Saturday, 22 August 2015
Investment Banking in Bear Markets
A couple days ago, amidst the rout in the global stock markets that have been plaguing us through the summer, one of the Managing Directors walked around the banking floor, and announced: "This is it boys, the summer of 2008 is repeating itself. Embrace the fun times, for you wouldn't know how long it lasts".
For the uninitiated, 2008 saw the closing down of bulge bracket investment banks Bear Stearns (bought over by JP Morgan) and Lehman Brothers as global markets were brought to their knees. Countless bankers were laid off in several rounds across the industry globally as the contagion spread. I remember the mood on the floor was quiet and sombre, bags were packed, desks were kept tidy. folks hung out hoping for the best, but fearing any phone calls, especially those whose caller ID displayed something along the lines of "meeting room [1]". That probably meant goodbye . I remember the some banker's desk line would ring, that banker would pick up, put down, suit up, take his bag and then send all of us an email via his personal mail to gather for drinks at 1200 at the nearby bar to commiserate and say farewell. That was hardly a fun introduction to a noob-cake in the scene.
Fast forward 7 years. Is this really 2008 all over again?
Fair enough, Southeast Asia capital markets and M&A have had what I would call, a really lean year so far. That would probably be an understatement, but potential IPOs have totally gone off the radar. At least you don't see elephant transactions happening in the near future. Malaysia market is suffering from an overhang of the 1MDB fiasco, Indonesian markets are reeling from wayward commodity prices. The Singapore market has poor volumes and lack-lustre listings. Thailand ain't doing well themselves, and the recent terrorist attacks have enhanced its negative bearing.
From a work perspective, things haven't actually eased up (at least not that much compared to 2008 where most things ground to a halt). Lower prices bode well for buyers flush with cash, aiming to take advantage of over-leveraged targets. That means more buy-side and less sell-side M&A work, which I particularly like (or at least prefer on some days given "like" might be too strong a word here) given you actually have to run certain valuations / returns analysis as compared to packaging sell-side marketing materials (like an info memo and teaser). On a side note, it would probably be worthwhile to give an introductory write up to the M&A process from a process of a practitioner one of these days... Put on the shelf are those countless pre-emptive banking committee memos for block trades, which I feel are a fucking waste of my time. I have seen more pitching as restless senior bankers stalk their prey to edge in on whatever deals they can get their hands on. So it hasn't exactly been a quiet summer. I have had some fucking hard weeks recently as well, but as summer goes, it is definitely quieter for sure, but not quiet per se.
But things can change in a jifty. Back in 2009 where the summer was slow, the last couple of months saw a flurry of activity on the capital markets front. That period was fucking insane - 100 hour weeks for a couple of months aren't a joke. So it can be just a couple of weeks before things turn. Yes, it is that fluid in this industry. One minute you're counting the days left to the unavoidable cull, the next minute you're inundated with more than you can feast on. Ahhh the extremes of life, isn't that what we live for? :)
From a personal perspective, I am fucking overjoyed that the markets are taking a beating. Nobody ever made their fortune betting towards in a bull market. People make their fortunes taking advantage of lower prices. Just from a general valuation perspective, STI and HSI indexes are trading close to their 5 year lows, and I do feel this warrants putting the dry powder to use :) Please do not be a fucking fool and sell your stocks. But if you prefer comfort to growing your money, sure go ahead and follow the herd to perceived safety. This is a opportune time to double down, and make the best of the opportunity. Career wise, sure it this malaise goes on, there is a chance I'll get laid off too. But yeah I don't give two shits actually, given I'm not leveraged on anything, but living life itself. :)
I guess these are some of the advantages of having fuck you money. So you don't have to worry like the rest of your peers on whether there is a layoff coming or not, and you can actually use it to make money in these types of situations.
Ahhh, the life. Time for a solid cuppa coffee :)
For the uninitiated, 2008 saw the closing down of bulge bracket investment banks Bear Stearns (bought over by JP Morgan) and Lehman Brothers as global markets were brought to their knees. Countless bankers were laid off in several rounds across the industry globally as the contagion spread. I remember the mood on the floor was quiet and sombre, bags were packed, desks were kept tidy. folks hung out hoping for the best, but fearing any phone calls, especially those whose caller ID displayed something along the lines of "meeting room [1]". That probably meant goodbye . I remember the some banker's desk line would ring, that banker would pick up, put down, suit up, take his bag and then send all of us an email via his personal mail to gather for drinks at 1200 at the nearby bar to commiserate and say farewell. That was hardly a fun introduction to a noob-cake in the scene.
Fast forward 7 years. Is this really 2008 all over again?
Fair enough, Southeast Asia capital markets and M&A have had what I would call, a really lean year so far. That would probably be an understatement, but potential IPOs have totally gone off the radar. At least you don't see elephant transactions happening in the near future. Malaysia market is suffering from an overhang of the 1MDB fiasco, Indonesian markets are reeling from wayward commodity prices. The Singapore market has poor volumes and lack-lustre listings. Thailand ain't doing well themselves, and the recent terrorist attacks have enhanced its negative bearing.
From a work perspective, things haven't actually eased up (at least not that much compared to 2008 where most things ground to a halt). Lower prices bode well for buyers flush with cash, aiming to take advantage of over-leveraged targets. That means more buy-side and less sell-side M&A work, which I particularly like (or at least prefer on some days given "like" might be too strong a word here) given you actually have to run certain valuations / returns analysis as compared to packaging sell-side marketing materials (like an info memo and teaser). On a side note, it would probably be worthwhile to give an introductory write up to the M&A process from a process of a practitioner one of these days... Put on the shelf are those countless pre-emptive banking committee memos for block trades, which I feel are a fucking waste of my time. I have seen more pitching as restless senior bankers stalk their prey to edge in on whatever deals they can get their hands on. So it hasn't exactly been a quiet summer. I have had some fucking hard weeks recently as well, but as summer goes, it is definitely quieter for sure, but not quiet per se.
But things can change in a jifty. Back in 2009 where the summer was slow, the last couple of months saw a flurry of activity on the capital markets front. That period was fucking insane - 100 hour weeks for a couple of months aren't a joke. So it can be just a couple of weeks before things turn. Yes, it is that fluid in this industry. One minute you're counting the days left to the unavoidable cull, the next minute you're inundated with more than you can feast on. Ahhh the extremes of life, isn't that what we live for? :)
From a personal perspective, I am fucking overjoyed that the markets are taking a beating. Nobody ever made their fortune betting towards in a bull market. People make their fortunes taking advantage of lower prices. Just from a general valuation perspective, STI and HSI indexes are trading close to their 5 year lows, and I do feel this warrants putting the dry powder to use :) Please do not be a fucking fool and sell your stocks. But if you prefer comfort to growing your money, sure go ahead and follow the herd to perceived safety. This is a opportune time to double down, and make the best of the opportunity. Career wise, sure it this malaise goes on, there is a chance I'll get laid off too. But yeah I don't give two shits actually, given I'm not leveraged on anything, but living life itself. :)
I guess these are some of the advantages of having fuck you money. So you don't have to worry like the rest of your peers on whether there is a layoff coming or not, and you can actually use it to make money in these types of situations.
Ahhh, the life. Time for a solid cuppa coffee :)
Saturday, 15 August 2015
The 30 days teetotaler challenge
This week, albeit a short one, has just been insane. Getting hit on many fronts, plus executing current transactions, made for a pretty intense work week. Not to mention the day trip a couple of days ago. Day trip meant getting up at 0500 to catch the first flight out, and taking the last flight back, getting home only at 0130, and hit the restart button less than 6 hours later. A couple of times I felt like Gimli fighting against the hordes of orcs that were threatening to encircle and crush my soul, rendering my very own existence worthless.
But alas, I've passed through yet another week on the job battle scarred and weary, but more experienced and hopefully wiser. The best thing about this week so far is that I've actually managed to avoid taking in any forms of alcoholic substances, which was in line with the goal of going 30 days alcohol free. A bit of history of my alcoholic imbibing tendencies, I believe that ever since the summer of 2008, I've never gone more than a couple of days where I did not chug down a drink of sorts.
Since the summer of 2008, the most number of days where I've cut the booze out of my diet stands at hmm yeah probably a grand total of 5 days. This intensified when I started banking right out of school, with a bunch of colleagues hitting the last call at the office bar mid week to hang loose, unwind and de-stress, which frankly wasn't a great idea, because.... it solidified the habit of boozing. And you know, calories pile up and you start putting on the wrong kind of weight.
Mid week drinks soon turned into going all out partying on Friday night, where shit would get real with hard liquor such as vodka and whiskey. Pretty ashamed to say that I don't remember the conclusion of some nights. Granted, that was a few years past, and I've mostly cut out the weekday and going all out hard drinking on the weekends, I do indulge in social drinks at least once or twice during the weekend. Red wine, white wine, dessert wine, whiskey, vodka, craft beers, shit beers, gin, liquor (Campari, Pimms, Choya, Baileys, Amarula etc), you name it, I love it, and there seems to always be an occasion on the weekends to indulge in them.
I've noticed over the last couple of months a general retardation in my mental capacity. A dulling of the senses. Could my brain cells be dying? Alas, might it be a result of the sustained drinking through the years? Alcohol, after all is a depressant and I do notice the feeling of general retardation occurs when the week kick offs, after a weekend of taking in drinks. Perhaps it might be because work is a non-callable non-redeemable perpetual bond that pays suck all in interest, but yeah there should only be one way to find out - to undertake a challenge to reboot the system. That meant that I mindfully decided to cut out the drinking from Monday (10 August) for next 30 calendar days. This experiment would end on Tuesday (8 Sep).
Some quick thoughts over the last couple of days. It felt strange not indulging in a beer on the flight back home and during dinner last night. Instead, I had hot chocolate and a coconut during those occasions respectively. Strangely, I'm beginning to feel more aware of my senses and focused as I bang this piece out before heading for my next activity during the weekend. It did feel, and will probably feel a bit strange over the weekends (at least the first two or three I think) not taking in at least a couple of beers or glasses of wine, but I do hope that I'll get some good feedback from under-taking this challenge, and perhaps develop some of my lost mental acuity and resilience levels at the same time.
Wish me luck!
But alas, I've passed through yet another week on the job battle scarred and weary, but more experienced and hopefully wiser. The best thing about this week so far is that I've actually managed to avoid taking in any forms of alcoholic substances, which was in line with the goal of going 30 days alcohol free. A bit of history of my alcoholic imbibing tendencies, I believe that ever since the summer of 2008, I've never gone more than a couple of days where I did not chug down a drink of sorts.
Since the summer of 2008, the most number of days where I've cut the booze out of my diet stands at hmm yeah probably a grand total of 5 days. This intensified when I started banking right out of school, with a bunch of colleagues hitting the last call at the office bar mid week to hang loose, unwind and de-stress, which frankly wasn't a great idea, because.... it solidified the habit of boozing. And you know, calories pile up and you start putting on the wrong kind of weight.
Mid week drinks soon turned into going all out partying on Friday night, where shit would get real with hard liquor such as vodka and whiskey. Pretty ashamed to say that I don't remember the conclusion of some nights. Granted, that was a few years past, and I've mostly cut out the weekday and going all out hard drinking on the weekends, I do indulge in social drinks at least once or twice during the weekend. Red wine, white wine, dessert wine, whiskey, vodka, craft beers, shit beers, gin, liquor (Campari, Pimms, Choya, Baileys, Amarula etc), you name it, I love it, and there seems to always be an occasion on the weekends to indulge in them.
I've noticed over the last couple of months a general retardation in my mental capacity. A dulling of the senses. Could my brain cells be dying? Alas, might it be a result of the sustained drinking through the years? Alcohol, after all is a depressant and I do notice the feeling of general retardation occurs when the week kick offs, after a weekend of taking in drinks. Perhaps it might be because work is a non-callable non-redeemable perpetual bond that pays suck all in interest, but yeah there should only be one way to find out - to undertake a challenge to reboot the system. That meant that I mindfully decided to cut out the drinking from Monday (10 August) for next 30 calendar days. This experiment would end on Tuesday (8 Sep).
Some quick thoughts over the last couple of days. It felt strange not indulging in a beer on the flight back home and during dinner last night. Instead, I had hot chocolate and a coconut during those occasions respectively. Strangely, I'm beginning to feel more aware of my senses and focused as I bang this piece out before heading for my next activity during the weekend. It did feel, and will probably feel a bit strange over the weekends (at least the first two or three I think) not taking in at least a couple of beers or glasses of wine, but I do hope that I'll get some good feedback from under-taking this challenge, and perhaps develop some of my lost mental acuity and resilience levels at the same time.
Wish me luck!
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