Being comfortable with uncomfortable

Came across this great article online from Pocket recommendations sometime this week and it resonated loads with me. It was on exercising and the gist of it was how exercise could be one of the many keystone habits that help improve one's quality of living.

The quote that stood out was how important it is to be "comfortable with uncomfortable". Instead of constantly grasping for aversion of pain, how embracing pain and a lack of comfort might actually lead to greater tolerance levels, build resilience and strengthen relationships. What it takes is recognizing your thoughts, that say for example: "you're bitching about your work and the lack of direction given by your boss", but instead of repeating that useless thought, why not be with the pain and try to do something constructive with it.

I'm still way at level donut in trying to make sense of this, but I do realise that as I age, I tend to be able to recognize certain cognition habits better, and am able to make (mostly) better (I hope) decisions on how to use those thoughts to further reach the goal. Well I guess not only is physical exercise important, but also, mental exercise is equally important (such as meditation and its multiple uses in training the mind), as one seeks to continuously improve and evolve into a better human being. When was the last time you did something out of your comfort zone?

Anyhow, here's the link to the article below. It's a great read and I do hope it provides you with a dose of inspiration in the coming weeks.

NY MAG: Being comfortable with uncomfortable

Self talk and the transient nature of all things

Been a while since I last posted. Things have been extremely busy  and it's been a challenge sticking to the fitness goals. Feels somewhat like a first year Analyst all over again but with better coping mechanisms (that's the only way to survive - sink or swim).

To cast things in a positive light - when things are busy and the industry isn't doing well, you'll double down on experience and "level up" much faster. To look at things from the other side, you can feel like you're being put through the juice wringer, where every ounce of omph is being wrung out, but you won't get rewarded for it in terms of monetary compensation.  But oh well, eyes on the prize RB35. 

The good thing over the last few months is that the markets have somewhat rallied, so my net worth has correspondingly increased to c. S$1.7m. Projecting the current trajectory and I think I might hit my target FU stash in of S$3.0m in another two to three years. Focus on the process of leveling up skills and various aspects of personal development. 

The good thing about aiming for a fitness goal such as say losing a set number of pounds, being able to tackle an event such as a marathon is that you'll have something outside of work life to look forward to. My weekly reprieve now comprises of long runs / walks around MacRitchite reservoir of more than 5 to 6 hours each weekend. It takes more than 20km to go into suffering mode where gains are made, and the suffering is ultimately a combination of a visceral and mental nature. Why suffer? 

Perhaps my mammalian brain likes it. Perhaps the science (of endorphins or the works) warrants it. Or perhaps it just feels as real as it can get. Humans against the elements. 

On a side note, I've picked up a couple of books written by Tan Chade Meng and he has been utterly inspirational, in the way that shows another path away from a corporate context which actually helps to improve society and the world at large. His techniques on meditation are extremely practical and useful as well, especially given my budding start since last March. I do find sitting down for 20 mins each morning (no matter how late work ends the night before) helpful. It's like a coat of amour that I put on daily, that helps to block the inevitable blows that come from work.  

I highly recommend picking up one of his books and picking up the practice. The one that I am reading now is "Search Inside Yourself".

Just another 2.5 months before the year wraps up. For those going through a tough period, keep going. It too, will eventually pass and if you search hard enough inside yourself, you'll find the requisite steel to temper all storms. 

New Goal for the 2016 Singapore Marathon

Decided somewhat on a whim yesterday that I was going to participate in the Singapore Marathon. All 42.2km of that. Perhaps it's because there's a little bit of a lull now that the summer is here, and I've all but clearly forgotten the good old pain that has yield in the past, but I haven't done something like that in quite awhile, and I did think it'll be good to burn up the physical thrusters once more and end the year on a naturally induced high (as opposed to artificial highs :p ).

I've done a couple of these long distance events, most of them just to tick the box of having had been there and done that, and some repeat events just to work on personal best times. Now here comes the crux of the decision, I'll be focusing 100% on the process this time (or die trying), of training consistently over the next 17 weeks or so.

No target timing in mind, just pure relentless focus on setting out a plan, putting through the paces, and going through with this, in an attempt to build resilience and further improve myself. This is perhaps one of the few times where I'm embarking on a self driven mission, with the intention to focus on the process instead of the prize at the end of the rainbow.

Let's see how different that feels as I document my training journey going forward. Every run, every workout, every setback. :)

A Guide to the Good Life - William B Irvine

Just completed a first read of the aforementioned book and thought it might be wise to jot down a few quick observations and notes.

As the title suggests, William B Irvine espouses the formation of a personal philosophy of living, that helps guide one through his daily life. His choice of philosophy is that of Stoicism, but he, unlike some of the other 'philosophies of life' isn't dogmatic about that choice, and heartily declares that the everyone has his own path that he has to individually find, and that Stoicism, though which forms the foundation on which he attempts to base his daily life on, might not be for everyone. Other different philosophies that he did touch on briefly involved Cynicism, Hedonism, Christianity, Zen Buddhism, etc.

I found the book extremely helpful in providing practical examples on how to adopt Stoicism as a form of philosophy. I've come across many other interesting reads, such as James Stockdale's "Thoughts of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot" and Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" and although many of those books did provide interesting insights, they were not as helpful in providing practical examples on application of Stoicism to a modern day livelihood.

Some of the traditional psychological Stoic techniques that were discussed in great detail were:

* Negative Visualization - Contemplating the loss of what you value in your daily life, which works in tandem between being grateful for what you have. For example if you received 6 months of bonus, but your colleague received 9 months of bonus, you might be inclined to go ape shit especially if you brought in revenues. But taking a moment that you could have gotten a big fat donut instead, and giving thanks that this situation provided you with a opportunity to develop your mentality, might result in you feel more satisfied instead of being bitter.

5 years ago, I might have thought of this as settling for less, and mental hocus pocus, or rather intellectually rationalising, but the main goal here is to achieve tranquility and eliminate negative emotions such as jealously, bitterness, anger, sadness, so that you can live a life of joy. So even though you are technically settling for less here, you would be more joyful with less bitterness, which brings us to the age old question of what exactly satisfies oneself. My personal view now is that the pursuit of tranquility and being satisfied with oneself yields more than the brief high that material goods and money can provide. Ever heard of the hedonistic threadmill?

* Self control - Touching on the serenity prayer, basically focusing on eliminating negative emotions such as anxiety through the use of the locus of control. This has probably been touched on in mainstream media, but essentially it's thinking and working on things that you have the ability to influence and control and just letting others slide. Works in tandem with being in the present moment instead of constantly fretting about what the next day will bring.

* Internalisation of goals - Instead of competing to win, compete to beat your personal best. In line with the thoughts on self control, focus on doing the best you can in every situation instead of aiming for some goal. Say in playing a tennis match, the focus should be on preparing for the match as best as you can be and playing to the best of your abilities instead of beating the opponent.

* If only doesn't yield fruit - Constantly wishing the past was different doesn't help with the present and the future. One should learn from how doing things different in the past can help with the future, but one should not constantly carry the baggage of the past and spend time wishing things could be different. One should do their best to accept the past, whatever it might have been and to embrace the present, whatever it might be.

There are also other strategies and thoughts on dealing with status, admiration, insults, anger, temporary discomfort, self-discipline, amongst others, which are extremely interesting, insightful and practical, but it's just too much to summarize on this medium. :)

This is definitely up there in my personal top 10 list of useful reads over the last 5 years.

The Best Part about Summer

You know it's the start of the summer holidays when you see a bunch of bright eyed college undergraduates swaddled with clothing that looks a tad too formal for them walking down the hallways of the trading floor, looking a little too enthusiastic for the countless beatings that will come over what may be the longest months ahead of their lives to come. 

Yes, the best part of summer isn't the part where the big swinging dick MDs head off for a couple weeks break, although that comes pretty close. The best part of summer is internship season, where it signals a reset of the recruitment cycle where you see an injection of new blood into the system, because post summer is typically when the newly minted Analysts and Associates fresh out of school and banking training programs hit the desk full time. 

I've always been a big believer in internships over an extended period of time (10 weeks is sufficient) for both the intern and the corporate entity extending the internship, to see if someone has the potential to undertake the real deal once he leave school. The intern on the other hand, benefits to see if the "real thing" matches up to what he perceived the industry to be prior to joining. There is only so much conjecture one can think up about what it's like to crank for more than 90 hours a week for a couple of weeks straight, instead of living through that phase. 

Summer internships bring about some other positive externalities to the organisation, as the lowest men on the totem pole (typically the rising first year Analysts) would have to guide the interns in their day to day job, which provides an integral set of skills that will be useful as they climb through the rungs. Also, the vitality and life force that the summer interns provide is always fun, given the numerous mandatory social events that get scheduled over the course of summer. 

This summer looks pretty bleak - markets in SEA are getting pummeled, and the negative global events such as Brexit wouldn't be conducive to conducting the traditional investment banking activities. Investment banks have already or are probably in the process of cutting headcount, something which would probably be expedited if the markets do not trend up soon after the latest Brexit blow. That probably means lower headcount for full time jobs that will be offered at the end of each summer internship, which makes the competition even more vicious. 

Having been a summer intern in the traditional Investment Banking Department (where people sell stocks and peddle mergers and acquisitions advice) more than half a decade ago, I find the traits of having a good attitude, being generally being grounded and getting along well with both your peers and the junior bankers to be quintessential in securing a full time job. No one is expecting the summer interns to be able to execute their jobs to perfection, but the young padawan learners must show the potential to be able to do so one day (and that day is always always sooner than they think). Oh yes, and if the group drinks, having the ability to do a few shots without getting pissed drunk helps as well. And if you don't have that ability, in some groups I know getting wasted is always way better than shirking drinks. Yes, very very strange, I know. 

I'm sure summer will be fun. Lighten up all you Brexit moaners. It probably doesn't affect you as much as you think. Even if it does, recite the serenity prayer, because even if you are David Cameron himself, you'll find that you have absolutely no control over the effects of Brexit. And wish well to the Summer Analyst and Associate classes of 2016. Good luck guys! 

Update after the hiatus

Have had a hiatus on this blog as I face a struggle on penning down thoughts that seem pretty much repetitive in context. Have had quite a bit going on in the first 6 months in pretty much all aspects of life. Best buddies getting hitched, the ever changing work environment and also some developments on the personal front took up much effort and prescience over the first six months. 

I've pretty much adopted the mindset that a good life lived probably isn't much one that is full of creature comforts nor that of enhanced hedonism, but one that is filled with continuous struggles and suffering and seeing how one responds to those moments of adversity. The dukka that permeates each and every aspect of life lends perspective to a difficult situation at work, or a difficult relationship. 

What matters the most to me presently is the overarching aim of becoming a better person in every possible way, through each experience, regardless of whether that particular experience is determined as "good" or "bad. What has definitely changed over the last couple of years is a slow but sure movement towards that of a process focus, rather than a goal focus. 

Work continues to take up most of the aforementioned struggles and suffering, and at times I do have to remind myself that this is perhaps the best way to put myself through the fire and emerge stronger and more resilient through each transaction, without thinking much of the monthly income that pads the fuck you portfolio. 

The one thing I'm grateful for is the ability to make a difference to the lives of the more junior bankers, to shape thoughts, perceptions and have some form of influence (mostly positive I hope) where they can learn something outside of just the purism of investment banking. That being said, am still grateful to have a relatively secure job despite the various waves of retrenchment that have hit close to home. Have had a couple of friends and acquaintances who lost their ricebowls over the past few months - all I hope is that they land feet up, eventually. 

Feeling at tad philosophical and pensive on this nice cool Saturday afternoon, with a relatively freed up weekend for once. Quite heavily leaning towards exploring more of the stoical philosophy and double down on the meditation as I seek to develop my capacity for equanimity and tranquility, whilst I let the portfolio and financial freedom targets take care of themselves - the best thing about this is that those are pretty much on auto-pilot as you program in the key parameters. 

A strong glimmer of hope that there's definitely much more to come over the next half of the year with the social calendar pretty much cleared up and what seems like a renewed focus over the last couple of days. Like the soccer team I have supported through the years, I try to make it a habit of ending strong (and finishing in the top 4 for champions league places... haha). 

Hope all is well with you guys out there. If it's not, just remember that it too will pass, and you'll eventually be well if you wish so. :) 

Patience

On stretches of weeks like these, it seems that the only thing I'm living and working for is to F.I.R.E. A lull in motivation requires an increased level of patience with the bullshit that's constantly perpetuating in the workplace (it's like the freaking Kraken - the more you try to kill it, the larger it grows), and an added dose of naivety could certainly help in paving the way forward. 

These are times when I blame my seemingly hell bent analytical ability in calling management bullshit, and could certainly benefit from being a greenhorn believing in all that management espouses. Truth is nothing short of there being a constant sucker at the table, and if you don't know who the sucker is, it's probably you. Gone are the days I'll tell the more seasoned junior bankers that hey maybe it's actually good for us that management is doing such and such; and took on the belief that more work for you means more good experiences for your resume and character building, when all it means is the same shit repeated again, which you could probably build more experience learning about gardening (no puns intended). 

One of the few things that help with getting through phases like this would be repeating the mantra "Patience my young padawan learner, these times too shall pass. Just make the best out of what you can do and focus on the other good things going on in your life." 

It's a seemingly perpetual fight between the dark side and the light side. Oh yea Mr RB35, don't wander too deep into the dark side... Light is at the end of the tunnel. Just another 2.5 more years, like another national service duration and you'll be set for life. 

Oh well, the bullshit we feed ourselves to keep us going. Seems like I'm no different from my bosses, just different targets, that's all. *sheepish* :)