Random thoughts on gratitude

Sometimes I just need to remind myself of what a lucky guy I am, that there's so many things to be grateful for in my life. The past 5 days have indeed been a huge wake up call to show more appreciation to what I have, instead of constantly desiring for even more. 

Here's a song / poem I've had the chance to come across over the last 5 Days. 

"In gratitude, you have watered the seeds of love in me in gratitude, 

In gratitude, I will water seeds of love in someone too.

I know you're there for me, and I am so happy. 

In gratitude, you have watered seeds of love in me in gratitude, 

In gratitude, I will water the seeds of love in someone too.

and when you suffer some, just call and I will come" 

- Plum Village 

There's so much to be grateful for in my life, and if I could list down perhaps the first 13 things that come to my mind at this point in time... 

1. I've got a great team and boss at work who have been nothing but short of supportive in what I do
2. Despite 1, I still be leaving my job behind in just a few months time
3. I'm financially independent before 33 years of age 
4. I've a totally blank canvas to paint whatever I want to paint in few months time
5. I've had a chance to experience the Dhamma and receive proper teaching 
6. I've in good health and decent shape 
7. I've got great parents who raised my siblings and I in a loving environment
8. I've got a great pair of siblings who are really supportive and provide great company 
9. I've got a great set of friends who are multi faceted, supportive and are always there for me 
10. I've discovered and am building a meditation practice 
11. I've discovered the practice of yoga and am diligently developing my yoga practice 
12. Even though I don't ride that often these days, I still own and have had a chance to ride a motorcycle - that's an exhilarating feeling!
13. Many more... 

I go to bed tonight with much content, gratitude and a heart bursting full of you; and I invite you, my dear reader, to perhaps set aside a few seconds to think of what you could be grateful for, at this very present moment when you are reading this. 

If nothing comes to mind, perhaps you could enjoy these two meditative melodic trance songs that have been in my favourites list for the longest time. Have a great week ahead! 

Kaskade (feat. Mindy Gledhill) - Eyes 

Oceanlab - Lonely Girl (Gareth Emery Remix)

 

Project Django Unchained - Pulling the Trigger

I'm penning this as I watch Hans Zimmer in Concert - Prague 2017 on Netflix. 

For the uninitiated, Hans Zimmer is one of pre-eminent composers for movie scores of all times. He's written scores for movies such as Black Hawk Down, The Dark Knight Rises, Crimson Tide, Sherlock Holmes, Inception, etc to name a few. I'm a big movie fan, and a closet fan of symphonic music given my teenage influence from playing in the band for 6 years - I'll strongly urge you to check out Hans Zimmer. You might actually like his music! 

I digress. 

It has been a tough few weeks at the office. Since my last post, I've actually begun execution of my plan to leave the bank. Got my finances sorted out, medical check ups done, and steeled myself to pull away from the herd, without a major push factor in the way. 

And when the medical results came back all good (or rather a decent baseline that I could work with), I followed through on my plan and started communicating my desire to leave the bank to my immediate supervisor and direct business head. I won't go into the intricacies of the conversations I had in this post - it'll probably be another post by itself (and I can't fathom writing in detail about that so maybe I'll just skip it in totality) or maybe I'll just skip it totally, but the bottom line is that the trigger has been pulled, the bullet is out of the gun, and boom motherf*cker there is absolutely no way back :) 

At this juncture (over 2 plus weeks since I'll pulled the trigger), I'm still in a bit of a grey area in terms of leaving date, mechanics, etc and what not, and coupled by the fact that my contractual notice period is a couple of months, it's been a bit of a funky period where I know I'm gonna bounce eventually in the next few months or so, but I'm still CRANKING. 

Cranking, just like a first year investment banker out of college, and it's been god knows more than eight years or so. *cues the score from Gladiator, or actually maybe a more apt scene would be Helms Deep of LOTR* 

The ironic thing about this is I have had a relatively peaceful lead in to 2018, but over the last month or so, work has picked up tremendously. I find myself in the cross-hairs of leading a cross border elephant transaction that spans China, Hong Kong, Europe and Singapore, and guess who's the lead banker on the execution process? That's absolutely right Sir, yours truly. 

Straddling both internal management, the junior bankers and the client, lies RB35, who has put in a request to resign and is leading an elephant transaction. For the uninitiated, an elephant transaction is one that brings in ate least c. US$10m of revenues. That means a lot of senior management oversight and RB35 is right smack in the spotlight with no way of shunning it :) 

The irony of it all is that I'm halfway through the door, but I'm still leading an elephant deal, and I'm not lessening any effort to get the transaction through. In fact, I'm multiplying my efforts and doubling down on the process, rolling with the punches and trying to push for the appropriate economic landing. 

Ah - the travails that accompany certain inherent character traits. And you know what? These 4 weeks have reinforced the notion that I'm doing the right thing. That I want to forge a better path for myself and investment banking is not the right path for me. Coupled with the palpable relief that I felt ex-communication of leaving desires to my bosses, this transmutes to a sense that of.... absolute liberation at this time. 

A feeling of liberation even though I've been working non stop day in day out since the end of April. And that feels pretty sweet, like the taste of tangerine nectar on a hot summer day. 

I don't know when exactly my last day of running this investment banking gig will be, but I sure am excited for what is to come thereafter. And that is, like what I mentioned to a confidante last Sunday, a blank slate where I can draw whatever I want to draw :) 

F.I.R.E - here I come!